I am enjoying this Sunday morning sitting on the back porch out of the AC and listening to the birds. It is early and all are sleeping inside. Both grandkids are here (one from Chicago and 18 years difference in age) and it a very interesting time. I love the busyness of seeing them all and love this solitude of morning. I miss seeing cardinals at home ( we don't have them).
I have just read another blog of a woman in Portland. She talked about femininity and I feel like I want to write about it too. I am a woman born after the war like so many. I grew up in the 50's and 60's and have struggled with the patterns my mother laid down in my mind. How to keep house, how to be a good wife and how to be a mother. I rebelled for years and finally found that I am just like my mother in so many ways. I am a good wife. I was a wife for 30 years and raised two children. I also have worked all that time in one job or another. Six years ago I became partners with a woman. I thought it would be so different than living with a man and I welcomed the differences. I found that it is so similar. But is similar because I am still who I am. I don't know how to not be a good wife.
I have friends that think it terrible that I do the laundry and keep the house clean, but that is who I am. I find that I like doing that. I am not a jock or a tomboy and have never been. My main thoughts are of textiles and and books and weaving and creating something out of yarn or cloth. I have loved this in one form or another all my life. I don't want to change it.
Since I am in the latter part of my life. I hope I have another third to go but who knows? I am blessed with health and have good genes but that is a crap shoot. So I hope I can wind down the working and enjoy the creating. I long to spend days just thinking about creating something that is in my head. I now keep Fridays for a weaving day. It might not be spent at the loom but it is not spent on the road or in the basement doing laundry. I might spend the day looking at weaving books or working on my new love, Spirit Cloth, but it is my day being in my head and working with my hands.
I still wear some makeup and am struggling with the changes in my body. It is hard to have these changes since we were so caught up in how we looked for so long. I would love to get past it and just let it all happen, but that is part of who I am too. I find that I am embracing that woman after all these years and loving her. I have not always felt that way. I am learning that we all have our experiences and they pile up on each other and create who we are. I like being this age and knowing that I can be slower in my life. I can sit for longer times and read more. I can create slow cloth that is made by hand on my loom or on my lap. I can be who I am.